once upon a time i was a hopeless romantic

I found myself crying every night during my highschool years. It was painful for me that i tend to love people who can't love me back (what i am talking about here are opposite sex) There were some kind of a heavy things on my chest; And i couldn't breathe. Oh, my love life before wasn't really that monotonous or uncolorful. I was exaggerated when i said that they didn' love me back. Actually, they did. They loved me as their admirers, as a little sister and as a friend or classmate. But there was a person that became so special to me since our freshman years and loved me back too. For four years we've been together, we got closer to each other, and soon realized that he's my first love. But love is not that certain, you know. Because we did the right love at the wrong time. We were both immature that time and uncompatible. We both have had some same attitudes that we didn't deal with. We became prisoners of our pride, anger and mistrust.

I was then a hopeless romantic--who believed in signs, destiny and dreams about love. Before, i can write love poems in just a click an hour...the tone: weariness, sadness---my heart's crying.. I wrote in my diary about what happened to me in school. It was purely love life and friendship. There was a time when i wrote bout the things that happened to me on September 2005. That was really sad, that it was about my first love. Where the happy things and sad incidents of my "love-school life",  there was my first love too. And even when i entered my college year (first sem) it was difficult for me to get over that person. But i am so thankful that three or four months ago, i learned to get rid of that person in my mind. Thanks to my friends, thanks to a new love, a new life--thanks to the Lord!

Without You Lord , i am not this strong.

Indeed God has a reason why he let that person not to be mine for a longer time. (maybe He let that person told me the words "i love you", which made me answer "i love you too", and became (you know) not more than a month, because He made me weak that time so that i'll put much trust unto Him) And yes! Now i know the reason why He did it--that is to find and have a new person better than the past.

Today, when i see the stuffs of my highschool life, the letters from my friends, my compilation of self-made love poems, some memorabillas, especially the diary that i made for the month of September 2005(it's like a book because i wrote more than a hundred pages--english words), I only laugh and say that "It was so corny!" now that i am a grown up, i can say that this wasn't yet the end of the story of my love life. I dont know if it'll be a happy ending for me or what. But i know that God doesn't make UNHAPPY ENDINGS, right?

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[nix]

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