A Butterfly's Dream... On the Process of Metamorphosis

Halloween and October Fest

There's a street party in the downtown, but we'd rather be staying here in the house. People are like enjoying there for it's a halloween party that they are celebrating tonight.

I remember last year, when I just arrived from Dagupan and my aunt invited me to come and see the happenings in the October Fest. I was so tired during that time, but I granted her request for it seemed that the party was greater than the previous years. There was a "BIG BEER" on the streets, bands, food kiosks, people in halloween costumes and tourists from other places. They were enjoying the night but I got bored for some reasons:

-I'm not in the mood that time for I was really really tired (I just arrived from Dagupan)

-We could not sit. (Because you need to order beers just to get a table. We don't drink.)

-I could not see my old friends (There are lots of people there)

-I got irritated with the faces of the people (I saw a legion of gays, a group of emos and a bunch of "barriotics!" hehehe:)

I love parties but I hate going to such for it makes me easily get irritated whenever I see drunk people (and they look at you like "maniacs" hehe:), and smell smokes of cigarrets.

Mean, right? hehehe:)

The Cry of Sergio

Tonight, I watched my favorite drama, Marimar. Oh, who doesn't know it? Maybe, if you were not watching it, you just hear about it because it became a phenomenon way back 1996, I think. And now, it's starting again to make the town cry, shout and feel "kilig".

                  "Segio, you're hot!"

I entitled the episode for this night as "The Cry of Sergio", because he was given an untrue information about the death of Marimar, and he cried a lot in front of the fake "puntod" (I forgot the English term for this!hehehe) of his wife.

I told a friend that the show is getting greater and more beautiful, but tonight, I felt like having a negative feeling towards Marimar.

Sergio's cry is just a product of misunderstanding, revenge and the "narrow mind" of the love of his life, and he does not deserve it.

Because of that, I felt like crying too for I don't want to see a man crying even in real life. Promise! haaayyyy:)

Missing Half of My Life:(

I was so eager to convince my mom in allowing me to go in Baguio for a retreat, which will be tomorrow. I got frustrated for she does not want me to come. She said it's holiday and she was worried because anything might happen to me or what. ("kaya nga holiday eh, para makapag-relax! 'anything might happen'? yes, may mangyayari nga sakin dun... good!") I cried a lot to her, but she did not listen. I felt like my prayers were not enough and felt like I was not so effective on talking with God (hay, siguro yun lang yung ipinapasok ni Satan sa isip ko... bad! Rebuke Satan!)

I will be missing half of my life. That encounter with God only happens once in a year. They could not understand why I really like to go. I want to get closer to Him and through it, I would have this deliverance--- this is the main purpose of this EGR (Encountering God's Retreat). My soul will be delivered from sins... my whole self! Maybe when I come back, I will be a new being.

It is so hard to grow in spirit. I can say that I'm still immature when it comes to this, which affects all the aspects of my life. Changing my old skin isn't really an easy task. It is a lifetime process. Maybe it is not yet the time for me, but I must not give up in attaining my goal---to have a great burning fire on praising and serving God.

I don't know the reason why even God did not allow me to come even if it's for Him why I'm going there, but I know that this is only a test of my faith to Him.

There is a time for everything...

Revival: On Fire

I was revived. I was blessed.

This Sunday, two missionary couples (Filipinos and English men)  went to visit and shared their hearts in our church. One of them was our speaker for today and his name was Pastor Fredie. He has wife named Sister Jackie. Along with them were "billionare" couple in UK, Pastor Eric and Sister Pat.

Pastor Fredie shared us this verse on the bible:

Revelation 2:2-5

"I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; and you have persevered and have patience and have labored for my name's sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless, I have this against you that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repnt and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place---unless you repent."

When I first accepted Jesus in my life, I have had this overflowing joy in my heart.Then I started reading the bible everyday. I was really on fire loving and serving Him. I attended the church and started sharing the Word to my family and friends.

I was persecuted. My family said as if I was demon-possessed (because I told them I'm gonna burn all the rosaries I have! You might be wondering why- see Exodus 20) My friends said: "Corny, weird"---they were laughing at me. So what? On that very moment, I have discovered that my real purpose in life is "to share His Words", because through it, I could save souls and change life... And God knows what I have been doing since then. I've got this little patience and labour on descipling on them. I want to touch my friends and family's lives.

But then I got tired of imparting the Word to them when I felt like they were not listening to my message. Sometimes I even don't mind to open my bible for a new revelation. In short, I got cold on serving and loving Him. I felt so frustrated for I could not touch their lives... I could not help bringing even one soul to heaven:(

...until now...

But this morning, I was reminded again. I want to return to "MY FIRST LOVE"... I want to remember it. I want to feel again the feeling when I first loved Him. I want to share my heart to my loved ones... again! I will restore every wisdom that God gave me ten months ago. I will refresh the willingness of sharing the gospel to them. Every person I might encounter would be my recepients... they will feel God's embrace too when they hear the Word. I will assure that I will welcome them with open arms first, I will give them my love, then they will hear the Word, and I hope, they will accept Him through me.

I just hope that they will open their eyes, their hearts and their minds...

...if not, they will feel they're not love by me---by God...

God loves you... because He sent me to you... to change your life and bring new revelations in your heart...

My Declaration of Success

If we were asleep, then we dream. We could see things that are sometimes impossible. Whhoo! We could see ourselves flying, touching the sky, counting gold bars at the end of the rainbow; name it, our dream could definitely show it to us.

For me, a dream is like a big tv screen where you watch movies. Ok, I'll choose an expensive and high-quality brand: black and white Panasonic! (laughs:) Only because dreams aren't clear!

Seriously, it's really like a black and white tv screen, where you could watch anything you like (that's if you have DVDs, hehehe) You'll just sleep, relax and presto, you'll be watching a marathon of dreams! (popcorns please!)

But there is no absolute guarantee that you will have a great watch or what. Sometimes you want a romance movie but it gives you a horror one. You want to see funny things but you were shown sad ones.

The only difference of a movie and a dream is that: in a real movie, after watching it, you would really remember it--how nice it was and how it gave you a goosebump or how it made you cry or laugh. On the other hand, sometimes after our sleep, we could not remember what we had dreamed of.

Any significance?

Yes... because it is not only when we sleep that we dream. It is not only on tv screens or movies that we could see scenes that are wonderful and impossible. When we were awake, we could also dream! (remember daydream?) So let's just dream, dream and dream!

Let me share with you my dreams in life. I always tell myself that i will reach all of them. If not, then maybe God has reserved for me something better. One of my greatest dreams is to be...SUCCESSFUL!

I want to have a successful life--in all aspects of my life! They say that if you are successful in your career, then you will fail in your family or health. I don't believe in that. I know that if I will follow my dreams, I will be successfull in all fields--I'll have a white-collar profession, a great family, a good health, and a dedicated service to God and my community. All I need to do is to enlarge my vision and trust God in everything I do.

I now declare...

Success in my family- a good Christian family; a loving and faithful husband; intelligent and good children; a beautiful and understanding mom and wife; a big and clean house

Success in my career- an author of a best-selling book; an ambassador to the US or any countries; a certified lawyer; a professional linguist; one of the stockholders of the country's biggest companies

Success in my health- good health; nice figure; will die peacefully at the age of 104

Success in my spiritual life- to serve God with all my heart; to evangelize people; to win souls and make a desciple; to serve people.

That's all... in God's Name, I'll be really successful!

So, what are your declarations? What are your dreams? Would you like them to become true? It's all in our hands, let's just trust God and view yourself being in that situation.

Like: View yourself talking to the country's president; standing in front of your own mansion; holding a ticket to around the world; dancing at the age of 92... or watching the sunset with the one you love... holding hands and dying with him/her... capturing his/her heart...

Just have patience, trust yourself... trust God...

Tête-à-tête between Me and Myself

"I think I could not take this", says Me.

And then Myself replied: "If i could only wash your pains away, I would definitely do it now, but the problem was, I don't know how."

"I was blinded by the rays of sorrow. My pains are overflowing as if they can no longer occupy the windows of my soul. We're still in the depth of the tragic life we share."

"Me, you can carry on these things. We can carry on... Let's just trust one another, just don't let me cry too, okey? Please, oh please, do not let the oxygen of this heart be trapped by melancholy. Please do not hurt me too:("

"Yes, we could make this. We'll have a bundle of laughs as soon as we overcome all our miseries. Just do not, as in never leave me, Myself. Always say you love me. If I could not be secured to somebody else, assured me you'll stay."

"Yes, always bear in mind I love you and I'll always inhabit in you. We're inseparable, right?"