A Butterfly's Dream... On the Process of Metamorphosis

I don't know what I will do next...

I kept on searching for an hour for my assignment in our major class, but I could not find the questions to the answers I saw (huh?)

I have to select a topic regarding Philippine Political Culture and make five questions, then answer them. I was looking for frequently asked questions on Philippine government but it's still too broad... What about the government? Grrr...

I really don't know what I will do next because I don't know the terms I will used.

But I found books in our mini lib. So I think I'll just have to do it tomorrow. hehehehe....

Women are Apples, Men are Frogs!

As I was browsing on my sister's message inbox this afternoon, I saw this cute message:

Women are like apples on a tree, the best ones are on the top. Men don't want to reach to the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt, so they just settle for the rotten beneath; not good but easy to get. Then the apples on top think something's wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing! They just have to wait for the right men to come, those who are brave enough to climb the tree all the way to the top, not scared to take a fall...

Allowing myself to find more messages,  spotted this another cute qoute:

There's an old story that says, "you can't kill a frog by dropping it into a boling water, cause it reacts so quickly to the sudden heat, that it'll jump out before it's hurt. But if you put it into cold water and gradually warm the water, the frog never decides to jump 'til it's too late." Men are the same when you suddenly show you like them, they get to dump you abruptly, but if you treat them cold at first and make things hard for them, they'll be attached and never know they're already into you.

These cute text messages made me stop and think for awhile... and smile so big:)

Sometimes, I used to ask "what's my worth?" ("am i important to others? am i worth taking the risk? do i put smiles to other's faces?") and don't tend to realize how precious I am... Funny but, sometimes, because of my immaturity and paranoia, (i didn't say " and narrow-mindedness" because i ain't a narrow-minded person!hehehe:) I think that something is wrong with me---"wawa naman ako!" (self-pity)

BUT I AM NOT! Now I realized how profound my personality is. You know, this high self-esteem is bursting and flowing inside me, (but of course, i must always remember to keep my feet on the ground) because I am more than amazing, more than wonderful! (this-could-be-love glow! hahahahah:)

Indeed, I'm one of those best apples on top... so yummy, so delicious, so fresh! aw! hehehehe:)... yet so hard to get... very precious that everyone wanted...yeah! (i know there are lots of girls out there who think they're not wonderful because as of now, they've never been loved, never been kissed, never been touched... but totally rotten! joke...--- "excuse me, the second to the last and last descriptions: hindi ako ganun! hahahah c:"--- DO NOT WORRY, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!)

Indeed I am one of those frog catchers who puts a frog in a cold water then suddenly pours warm water until the frog has no choice but to stay. ("aw! ang hangin!")

"Stay! Stay! There's no way to escape!!!! WWAAAAhahahahaha!!!!!"

COME ON, GIRLS, BE ONE OF US! (wink!",)

In short, men are frogs! hahahahaah:)

A new semester; a new life:)

I could not believe it's my second semester as a second year college student. Oh, how I remember, it' s been how many months since I entered my my worst semester (that was last sem) I need not to elaborate the "ungrateful things" that happened to me--- from day 1 of bad days to the last days of crying moments...hehehe.

But anyways, I've learned from my experiences. I might have cried a lot last semester, but I also have laughed aloud and received my favors and blessings (disguised as being one of the SG officers and did a great paricipation in Teatro Francisco)

And this semester is "HARVEST TIME"!

Yeah! I got my grades and erolled today... I'll be 100% discounted for my tuition, and will still have an additional 25% for academic scholarship. hahahah... That's 125% overall discounted! I'm so happy... at last, after all the hardships, the tears and stresses... now I'm here, harvesting all I have done for myself, my colleagues and my school.

Love life? --- never mind... I will be getting all the laughters in this world! Single rocks! (by Mam Pina)

This is another semester. I'll still have challenges to face and more tears to cry... But I know at the end, I'll have bundles of laughters:)

The Sleeping Habit

It's Monday.

It is supposed to be the first day of class for the second semester, but it suspended today. It's raining so hard 'round the province and in some parts of the country. The storm "Kabayan" is indulging in furry...

Along with the strong winds and heavy rain is a feeling I don't understand. I don't know how or what I'll feel; it's so weird.

I can't help but to get insecured 'coz of my wind burn. It's starting to make black spots 'round my mouth; it's pretty annoying, you know.

grrr... I need to sleep early for tomorrow but i'ts been my habit to sleep at 12 a.m. I could not easily sleep early, but I could wake up immediately. No, I'm not an insomiac. It's just that, every night, I've got lots of thoughts here in my head (I may be thinking of my dreams in life, an incident that happened in the past, a person(s) so special to me, what I'll be doing the following days or what I will write next. heheh:)

It'll take hours before the "wind of sleepiness" haunts me. So what I've been doing in my bed are: (1) look at my pics over and over again; (2) write some stuffs; (3) read my composition notebook; (4) read the bible; (5) hear some soft tunes; (6) pray and sing praises to the Lord.

That's it... Good night... Good night...:)

Today

Today is November 4, 2007... yes... it's Nov. 4... uhm...  Today is Sunday... November 4...

Anyways, I had a great yet tiring day. I woke up early to go to our church.

I'm so blessed! Today, I learned:

- to declare my blessings to myself, my family and my friends

- not to speak about my problem but to speak to my problem in the name of Jesus!

- again, to think positive always!!! my mind is the source of my words and actions. if i think that negative things will happen to me, then it will really happen, but if i tell myself "everything will be alright", then i shall have a positive life.

Well, I spent my whole day with my church mates (youths). We ate, took pictures and sang. This is my first time to have a bonding with them (Sis Gene, Jonathan, Renz, Francis, Justine, and my newly introduced churchmate, Jomel) They were really good in playing instruments! How I wish I could be a part of the music ministry...

"Good job guys! Let's forever praise God and thank Him for He moves our life in a very special way. Halelluja! To God be the glory forever and ever."

A poem for me

I miss writing poems... haha... last night, before I slept, I made a poem for me... I said: "I always make poems for other people. Why not try making for myself? But the person speaking is someone else... He may be a man, a cat, a chair... whatever...heheh..."

("ayan, ang labo ko na naman!")

I.

I saw a lady, she was dressed in pink and green

She wears a smile like a sweet tangerine.

I could not believe, I thought I was dreaming,

She has this halo and two beautiful wings,

'Coz she's an angel that the heaven brings.

II.

I could still remember her voice,

As soft as the air as it moists.

And in my heart, it clearly echoes,

The sound of her gentle mellows,

As quiet and as fine as the night's shadows.

III.

The loveliness behind this mystery,

Has captured me to think very clearly:

"Who's this girl in rosy wardrobe and smells like water lilly?

What's her name, she's very pretty...

She's like a goddess in the green valleys."

IV.

She sat on the rocks of smiles,

As she she has this joy in her face brought by li'l butterflies.

Her life was as peace as the blue skies

Where she walks a thousand miles,

And goes to the places she likes.

V.

I saw her eyes in wonder happiness,

When she touched my life in shallow loneliness.

For once I was prison, I was loveless,

I have nothing but this life's pest

I've gained nothing but this fate's hurting test.

VI.

But what a life this would have be?

I thought I would never see sadness in my angel that's so lovely

And I got coward so easily,

When I saw her wings come little like a seed of a peach tree,

And her heart that bleeds like a strawberry.

VII.

I heard her as she laughs in despair

With her face covered with her maginificent hair.

I could see how she rocks the silver chair,

In sorrows, her heart's pieces were just everywhere,

And she mends her broken wings that nobody cares... (but I care)

VIII.

I could see her no more

Abruptly, she went away and my heart sore:(

I even had no chance to ask her: "And you're?"

Because she flew like a slamming door.

She's a light that blinded me; my heart's creator.

(I don't know the title of this... But the lady in rosy wardrobe, who looks like an angel and a goddess in green valleys was named as... IMARI... hahaha:)

Yesternight...hikhik:)

Last night, as was updating my blog, a sudden brown out invaded my work! gggrr... I almost have to say ungrateful words but I resisted myself. But anyways, I'll just repeat what I have written, because yesterday was another memorable day to me.

I was fixing my bookshelf when I saw my composition notebook, and it reminded me of my poems that I made when I was in Highschool. The first time I made poems was during my sophy years. We had a circle which I named as: "ARE YOU GONNA BE A POET?" circle. This is a group of aspiring poets in our classroom which is composed of four members:

1. IMARI SANTOS a.k.a "Butterfly"

-of course! I was the one who established this! Here's the very first poem I made. I entitled it as "On the Seashore"

(Note: This may sound "baduy". i was only 14 years old when I made this! I don't know how I made this...hehehe... made for only less than an hour)

Beside the seashore, I was walking along,

I saw you sitting, lonely and alone.

I was picking sea shells,

While you were watching the sea breeze ("pinapanuod na pala ngayon ang sea breeze? heheh:)

Then I saw you crying, filled with loneliness in your eyes.

I went towards you to offer my hanky,

Then I saw you smile and happy

We took a long walk on the beach,

Together with the setting of the sun.

We sat together beside the shore

Then we looked on the far horizons

Having sweet talks and sweet moments,

Buliding beautiful sand castles.

The night came; the stars appeared on the sky

The sandcastles were destroyed by the waves

Then I realized that on that shorten time,

I knew that i had fallen for you.

2. NORISZA RAMIREZ a.k.a "Pentate Sappho"

-she's one of my best friends. Actually, she was the very first one to write poems and I just followed her:)

- this is my most favorite poem that she made... check it out...

"My Crush" by Pentate Sappho

When I saw your smile flashed,

You've become my greatest crush

But I know you can't give my love back,

So all i can do is to cry and sob.

I kept my feelings for you,

And all that time i knew you were mine

When my friend ("ako yun!) told me to awake,

My poor and broken heart ached.

Life must go on, so i moved on

Trying to forget you but I can't

So I didn't fight myself

And admit that 'til now you're on my mind.

After a long, long time,

When it has come to me to prove my love,

My heart cannot make it to survive

But I didn't let myself drawn into my feelings and stupidity.

My friend ("ako ulit yun!") told me it's not the end,

And that I must know how to defend,

All thje decisions and beliefs I made,

And to live my life to fullest.

3. KHEMBERLY PERALTA a.k.a "Mnemosynerato"

- a very lovely, smart and talented girl who's at first, did not make love poems ("pero nung first time nainlove nung third year kami, as in super dupperr:")

-Here's a poem for our moms that Mnymosyne made:

"Mom" by Mnemosynerato

From being a child,

You helped me developed into a young lady.

Slowly in bloom,

Form being so quiet

You filled me with hope to face the whole world,

Outside my room.

When I'm in danger, you're the one who protected me.

When I'm in darkness, you carried the light that will guide me.

When I'm in confusion, you're the one giving me serenity.

And when I am sad, you're the one who makes me happy.

So thank you is the word for people like you.

Cause you gave ne the love, which is really true.

And everytime I feel the challenges that come through,

I know I'll stand them all,

'Coz there will always be you.

4. JARED PARAGAS a.k.a "Narciso"

- the only thorn among the roses...heheh...

-here is the sample of Jared's Obra which became a talk in our classroom, for we didn't know whom he's referring to.

"I Love You Friend!" by Narciso

You've been a pal who's always around,

Helping me when I'm in need

Sharing mem'ries with me,

So thank you, and for you, I love you.

My love for you grows,

My love for you gets stronger

'Coz my love for you is more than afriend to me,

And my love for you is greater than my life would be.

I couldn't believe I'm in love with you,

You're just a friend, and that is all

But as days go by, as time passes through,

I knew that I'm already dreaming of you.

Everytime I close my eyes, I see your face,

Wherever I go, I can feel your soul,

Whenever I hear beautiful music, I can hear your voice,

And everything I will do is for you.

Life may be incomplete, without you in my sight,

Days may be boring, without you in  my life.

If only you're mine, then I should be happy

If only I could say how I feel, then I'm not worried.

But what a coward will do?

Always scared to say "i love you"

The only thing I can do is to wait for the right time,

Time when I'm ready,

Ready to speak and accept your answer...

That's it! Yes! We are the future writers! hahaha... did you enjoy? those were composed by Sophy students of St.Jo, S.Y (I forgot the yr.) After finishing a poem, we exchange works and discuss about our interpretations.

I miss you guys!

In Writing...

I always claim I am good. Yes, I was only good enough in this art that I love, in writing; and i felt so unsatisfied:(

This afternoon, as I was browsing some blogs in my friends' list, i visited one and decided to read it. After reading her works (and after having a "nose bleed" because of the terms she used...heheh), I felt something here inside me. An "I-don't-know-if-it's-a-bad-or-good" air touched me and whispered through my ears: "Enough is not good. More practice. Become a better writer, the best writer!" Yes, I heard those words and it made me feel so sad. It hurt me and low self-confidence manifested in me. I agreed to the voice; it's true. But as what I always say, truth sucks, truth hurts; and now, it's digging a deep hole here in my heart and carving words such as: "Grow up if you want to last long in this art." She was so damn good, but me, I'm also good... and damn:(i'm sorry, I used this term!)

I compared her works to my works---hers were far better than mine. We were both students but she's got the impression of a professional writer (actually, now she considers herself as a professional writer eventhough that she's only a student, and she's being paid for her works). She's got wide ideas, which sometimes, I could not grasp on them and my knowledge is seemed to be not enough to absorb and understand those. The terms she used were for deep for me, and the words were pretty highfalluting (I have encountered some of those words but still I don't know their meanings or how it shall be used) Do I sound like envious here or what?

I'm not envious. I just feel a little bit disappointed to myself; I mean, to my works. Thus, I am an amateur writer, trying hard to be a professional one... Thus, I am an immature writer, having no impression to the readers that my vocabulary is wide and my logical thinking is good (I haven't taken my logic!)

I could not remember (or maybe could not understand!hehehe:) the points she stated there but, there was one thing she said that struck me:

" I really want to write articles that will sound mature and contemplative."

...hmm... "Sa lagay na yun, it does not sound mature pa ah!)

Then I asked myself: "What is contemplative?" (smiles:)

According to the dictionary, it means "thoughtful or meditative".

Again, I thought for a while and took a short glance on my articles.

"Hey! Mine are contemplative, or in a more shallow term, meditative!" Pardon me but, I have to say this (say I'm boastful, but I'd like to utter this):

My compositions may not sound mature, but it's from my heart. I am 101% sure that my articles are meditative. Once a reader reads in one of my works, (maybe!) he'll have this question in his mind: "What the hell is she talking about? What does she mean? then he'll have this deep breath and continues: "... deep but interesting." And he may have a misinterpretation in what I have written... He may give himself a little while to think and meditate and say: "I don't get it!!!" (I don't care whether you understand this part or not... smile!!! read-between-the-lines... ask me!!!)

(ting!!!!!!!)

I can't help myself but to laugh at myself! hahaha... I don't know but, one of my articles reminded me "not to impress but to express"... and still another one said "trust yourself, you're a good writer...aim to be the best!"

To myself, I'm sorry for not trusting and believing in my own capacity... for in my mind, I have once thought I was not good and I can't be the better or the best I can be.

Okey, enough with all these "dramatic speeches!"... hmm.. Wait, so what? Don't resist me to say all of these. I'm a writer, remember? I'm free to say what I want to say.

Continue...

The bottomline is that, I learned something:

"I don't need to have the style of other writers for I have my own. I need not to borrow other's slippers just to look good; I have my own pair of flip flops and I look better on it:)

One thing more is that, it is not important to have this "professional impression" of mine towards other people. What is more important is that, I could express myself and I am free to say whatever I want to say. I don't care if I'll be misunderstood or misinterpreted (bahala kayo sa buhay nyong mabaliw!hehehe) I also don't need to explain everything here, because it's really hard to write yet it is so refreshing! The readers will be the one to dissect and discover the meaning behind what I am saying. Lastly, my knowledge is useless without having wisdom. I'd better have a shallow article which is comprised of "words of wisdom" (because I could touch my readers), than to have a "sounds-like-professional" composition that is so hard to understand, and at the end, the reader will not really understand it!

(got it?)